All in

You asked me if I thought I’d given up.

The deepest cut I think I’ve ever felt. It angered me. It angered me because you had no idea. It angered me because you had no idea how wrong you were.

The constant reading, research, attentiveness, action, experimenting, participation and patience. The trials the errors. The heartache. The frustration. The love.

I had no idea how hard it would get, I knew it wouldn’t be easy.

No, I don’t think I’ve given up. I don’t think I ever will.

All in


Valentine’s Day should be happy. Being in the service industry only makes you see how much pressure everyone puts on a silly day.

I honestly could care less about it but want to indulge in the child like wonder of the day for my son. But today has only brought tears.

Tears that my son was left out. That he operates on a different level.l. Tears that I and he are inconveniences to seemingly everyone. Tears of a friendship over. Tears of being the bad guy. Tears of losing it. Tears of over reacting. Tears of not speaking up. Tears of being judged and knowing it. Tears of trying to play nice. Tears of caring for those who only care about themselves.

Tears that My child doesn’t speak. Tears of frustration that he can and has but doesn’t. Tears that I only want good for him.

Today sucks.


Birthday Gifts

Little E is going to be turning 2 this summer! Wild. Like every parent I want to give him everything. However, he doesn’t have wants just yet, nor does he truly NEED anything.  You know besides food shelter love and clothing.

I have been paying close attention to things that interest him, including cars. Although, that one as been obvious since what feels like forever.

We try to get out of the house a lot to get him socializing, since we don’t do childcare. So a lot of these ideas have come from the public library and the discovery center. They do a great job and utilizing educational toys and rotating them in and out!  Back in March I did a Montessori purge of our own toys here at home based on this blog post. Now I didn’t remove all of our plastic toys or EVERY toy with batteries but it did help me purge (read as, box up) baby toys and things we have duplicates of.  Our house stays so much cleaner now! Also, I noticed he started playing with toys I’d never seen him play with before, at least not without prompting from us.

Something’s he tends to play with while we are out and about are on the following list.

  1. Animals and barn
  2. Melissa & Doug Doorbell House
  3. Melissa & Doug Latches Barn
  4. Play food
  5. Kitchen sets
  6. Puzzles

We have gotten him a few, probably too many of the little schliech animals but I bought them on sale at Orschlen’s. Otherwise we’d would have spent a small fortune on them. People that have kids who collect the Dinosaurs definitely have put forward some pretty pennies.  I saw him eyeing the dinosaurs. I wanted to get one but, I was buying animals to work on his sounds. He hasn’t cared a whole lot for talking. So I was/am desperate for anything to help.

Other things I think he’d love

  1. Dinosaurs
  2. Cars toddler sheets
  3. Toddler table
  4. Building set/table
  5. More cars, cars, & trucks, & more cars, & another truck & more trucks & a car
  6. A train!

Birthday Gifts

Eventful day 

So today was a bit above average.  Started out with me waking up before E. I’d say 7-10 he’s awake before me. I’d showered gotten dressed and had my coffee before he woke up. AND mopped my bathroom! 

Most all of this happens during nap time. He naps sort of early for most kids but not always. Day I want him down at 11 he’s up till 1. Days we have things to do around 12 he’s ready to go down by 11. Without fail. 

So I had an informal interview or meet and greet if you will. So E got to hang out with his uncle. I thought this would be a half hour max thing and it was nearly an hour and a half. It was fun? It was an adult conversation without interruptions and it had all of my focus! So that was interesting. Haha. 

I almost forgot I picked up a hitchhiker on my way!  It sorta stressed me out but this poor little high school girl was walking because she missed the bus. She actually almost caused a wreck or I wouldn’t have noticed her.  I’m not in the habit of picking up hitch hikers. Anyways she made it to second period. I did my best non-lecture lecture. “Missed the bus?” “Yeah.” “What time does the bus come?” “6:40.” “Do you walk often.” “No.” – pause- “I didn’t want to wake my papa up and get in trouble again.” “You miss the bus a lot?” “Yeah (sheepishly and embarrassed).” “You stay up late?” “Yeah (slightly annoyed and embarrassed but also acknowledging my fair point).”

Lecture over. She was grateful she was excited to make it to part of her first class. She was still nearly an hour late!! I would have died! I loved school! Anyways, I still made it fifteen minutes early to my interview. 

Then I hustled to pick up E relieve my brother it was 10:30 ish when I made it there and guess who was looking pretty sleepy?? You could guess both and be right. Lol. Sorry E we had a meet up planned! Not sure I’ve mentioned it but I’m in a family group and there been some push by the leadership team for members to create some meetups and some of us met at the strawberry fields to pick your own strawberries 🍓!

E picked some! That was exciting for me!! He really liked chasing some of the big kids the most and seeing the kittens they have. He liked the kittens a bit more than my moms puppies. But the kittens were a bit older I’m guessing. Plus we have a cat. Not that he’s not around dogs because we is a lot. We went back to my moms for lunch and nap. I can help my other brother in his boat shop if E naps at my moms since it’s just across the driveway. There whole set up is super complicated to explain, so I won’t bother but if you saw it you’d get it. I want to call it a compound but then you’d think it a cult. Manor sounds way too fancy but the alliteration their last name makes with it is very nice. Organized cluster f*ck? It’s way nicer than that. Rental repair and renovation?. That’s actually not half bad and tells you a lot about what goes on at my moms house and all the shops on their property. 

Okay so back to the day. 

More puppies. E got to play with his friend Alexander. Dirt more dirt he did very good sharing a little tikes car. He got to play outside with his grandma. I guess he even made it in bed early.  I stayed behind to help finish working on a boat. It’s so close to done I can’t stand it but my brother isn’t feeling great and couldn’t stick around anymore and of course it’s stuff I can’t do without minimal but still needed help. So back tomorrow we go! After we go to the park and rode trains of course!  Another adventure awaits!  

Eventful day 

Mom said, “no touching.”

We are working on following directions, and listening. It was nice again this morning so we ventured out. E ran past me after he climbed down our stairs straight to his favorite dirt pile. Not noticing a little critter moving at a much slower pace. 

“E come back.”  He heard me. He always hears me. The tone in my voice must have sounded slightly excited and my statement less like an order. He paused. Looked at me from the side. As if to say “why”

I said it again “come back, look! Come look!”. Adding more excitement to my voice. 

He trotted back to me.  This made me quite happy. And he was quite excited to see this little snail! 

Mom said, “no touching.”

Ln Cc. ZAasrfa,

Haha E’s first blog post. I let him watch YouTube on my bed this morning while I took a super quick shower. Of course I get a text during said time which interrupts his viewing pleasure. This is the first place I’ve noticed he “posted”. I was more concerned about my missing mail, app. 

Ln Cc. ZAasrfa,


“Why?” You ask. “Why, ‘Don’t Do THAT! – mommy.”

Well it’s simple. It’s probably the phrase I utter the most. “Don’t” is probably right up there. And “Don’t insert a more descriptive phrase here” is another common saying in our house. 

My dude is all about exploring and pushing all the boundaries. I let him do the things I safely trust him to do. Sometimes, maybe even a few things I hope he learns from the ‘hard way.’

Love him to pieces.